Here are my thoughts that come across in my mind just like passing clouds in the blue sky.These include lessons I learned in my day to day life, my memories, my dreams and my experiences in my own world.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Shiv Rathri (Shivaratri) Festival
Shiv ratri literally means ‘the night of Lord Shiva’ that provides an opportunity to cleanse the ignorance and realize that you are Brahman(who has Brahma in innerself) and open the door to bliss.
Auspicious festival of Mahashivaratri falls on the 13th or the 14th night of the new moon during Krishna Paksha in the Hindu month of Phalgun. The Sanskrit term, Krishna Paksha means the period of waning moon or the dark fortnight and Phalguna corresponds to the month of February - March in English Calendar. Shivaratri Festival is celebrated on a moonless night.
Every month in Krishna paksha chathurdhasi (fourteenth moonday) is called masa Shiva rathri. The one that comes in the month of "Masi" (mid February to mid March) is called Maha Shiva rathri. This is considered as the most important vrata by the devotees.
Why is it celebrated?
Lord Shiva appeared in the form of Jyotir linga on this day. A ingam which had no end and beginning and it symbolizes Brahman.
It is said that one should practice non-violence on this day. Then are things like not to lie, strict brahmacharya, be compassionate etc.
According to Hindu mythology, observance of mahashivratri Vrat with discipline helps a devotee to control the two great natural forces that afflict a man, rajas guna (the quality of passionate activity) and tamas guna (the quality of inertia). When a devotee spends an entire day in the Feet of Lord and worships with sincerity, his motion is controlled and evils like lust, anger and jealousy, born of Rajas are ignored and subdued.
Mahashivaratri is thus not only a ritual but also a cosmic definition of the Hindu universe. It dispels ignorance, emanates the light of knowledge,makes one aware of the universe, ushers in the spring after the cold and dry winter, and invokes the supreme power to take cognizance of the beings who were created by him.
How to observe Fast?
On the auspicious occasion of Shivaratri, or Maha shivratri, devotees around the world observe Shivratri Vrat or Upvaas or fast.The fasting involves refraining from eating any food and not sleeping through out the night.
The day after Shivratri is Amavasi – the dark night or the no moon night. It symbolizes the evil forces – desire, greed, illusion, arrogance, jealousy, and anger – which dominate the Kaliyuga. Shiva is believed to have appeared in the form of ‘Lingodabhavamurti’ or Jyotir Linga on the Shivratri night. The Linga is an attempt to give form to the formless Brahmn. Praying to Shiva is to escape from miseries of Kaliyuga.
The Mahashivratri fasting begins on the morning of Shivratri and ends next day morning or the Amavasya morning. Since it is a long Upvaas or Vrat, many people consume a special meal known as ‘phalar.’
Devotees wake up before sunrise and take bath and wear clean clothes.Applying of sacred ash, or vibhuthi, is an important aspect on the day. People also wear a Rudraksha Mala. The idols of Ganesh, Shiva and Parvati are cleaned and a lamp is lit.Most people then visit a nearby Shiva temple. In most places, Shivratri is largely observed in temples.Some people observing fast consume a mid-day meal consisting of non-cereal food such as boiled potatoes which is made into a curry without onion, garlic, adarak or haldi. Most devotees go for a fruit diet and drink lots of water.No meal is eaten after sunset.Next meal is taken on the morning of Amavasi after doing puja and giving alms.
The entire night is spend in a nearby Shiva temple or by chanting Mantras or listening to stories related to Shiva.
Prayers
Some of the important mantras that are chanted on the day include:
Shiva Panchakshari Mantra – Om Namah Shivaya or chanting the sacred names of Lord Shiva.People who have a Shivling at home can bathe the Shivling with water intermittently throughout the night.
Shiva Sakti Panchakshari Mantra - Om Hrim Namah Shivaya
Mrutyunjaya Mantra –
Om Trayambakam Yajamahe
Sugandhim Pushti Vardhanam
Urvarukamiva Bandhanat
Mrutyor Mukshiya Mamrutat
Shiva Gayatri Mantra –
Om tatpuru?haya vidmahe
Mahadevaya dhimahi
Tanno rudrah prachodayat
Apart from this one can chant the 108 names or 1008 names of Lord Shiva or the 24 Sacred Names of Lord Siva.
Twenty Four Sacred Names of Shiva:
1. Om maheswaraya namaha
2. Om mahadevaya namaha
3. Om sarveswaraya namaha
4. Om shivaya namaha
5. Om Shankaraya namaha
6. Om Saswataya namaha
7. Om pasupataye namaha
8. Om umapataye namaha
9. Om brahmadhipataye namaha
10. Om parameswaraya namaha
11. Om bhasmangaragaya namaha
12. Om mahesaya namaha
13. Om nityaya namaha
14. Om shuddhaya namaha
15. Om mrutyunjayaya namaha
16. Om bhutesaya namaha
17. Om mrudaya namaha
18. Om sarvaya namaha
19. Om sadashivaya namaha
20. Om bhavaya namaha
21. Om sarvajnaya namaha
22. Om bhimaya namaha
23. Om vasudevaya namaha
24. Om tripurantakaya namaha
Linga Astakam:
Brahma Murari Sura architha Lingam,
Nirmala bashitha Shobitha Lingam,
Janmaja dukha vinasaka lingam.
That pranamami sada shiva lingam.
Deva MuNi pravarchitha Lingam,
Kama dahana Karunakara lingam,
Ravana darpa vinashana lingam,
That pranamami sad shiva lingam.
Sarva sukandhi sulepitha lingam,
Budhi vivarthana karana lingam,
Siddha surasura vandhitha lingam,
That pranamami sada shiva lingam.
Kanaka mahamani bhooshitha lingam,.
PHanipathi veshtitha shobitha lingam,
Daksha suyagna vinasana lingam,
That pranamami sada shiva lingam.
Kunkuma chandana lepitha lingam,
Pankaja hara sushobitha lingam,
Sanchitha papa vinasana lingam,
That pranamami sada shiva lingam.
Deva Ganarchitha sevitha lingam,
Bhavair bakthi pravesa lingam,
Dinakara koti prabhakara lingam,
That pranamami sada shiva lingam.
Ashta dalopari veshtitha lingam,
Sarva samudbhava karana lingam,
Ashta daridra vinasana lingam,
That pranamami sada shiva lingam.
Suraguru sura vara poojitha Lingam,
Sura vana pushpa sadarchitha lingam,
Parathparam paramathmaka lingam,
That pranamai sada shiva lingam.
Lingashtakam, Idam Punyam padeth Shiva Sannidhow,
Shivalokam avapnothi shive na sahamodathe.
How to Worship Shivling at Home?
Before starting the Puja, the devotee takes a bath and wear freshly washed clothes. Hymns praising Lord Shiva or the mantra ‘om namaha shivayaa’ are repeated to create a mood for worship. Then, the devotee sits in front of the lingam and blows conch or ring bells. This indicates the beginning of the Puja.
First it is the panchamrit abhishek - the libation of five holy liquids over the lingam. The libation can consist of any five of the following – water from river Ganga, honey, sugarcane juice, milk, yogurt, ghee, seawater, coconut water or milk, fragrant oils, rose water or other precious liquids. Usually, only milk of cow is used. While pouring the liquid, om namah shivaya is uttered. Some devotees utter the Lord’s name 108 times and some 1008 times. There is no fixed rule.
After the panchamrit abhishek, the lingam is cleaned with water from Ganga. (This is might not be possible always so just normal water.) After this the lingam is smeared with sandalwood paste and is decked with flowers. Water and sandalwood paste is used to keep the lingam cool, as Lord Shiva is always in a highly inflammable state. In some Shiva temples, cooling liquid constantly drops from pot hung above the Lingam.
Next, sweets, coconut and fruits are offered to the Lord. Camphor and incense are lit and ‘arati’ is conducted. Some devotees fan the lingam and sing praises of the lord.
Finally, ringing of bells or blowing of conch indicates the end of Puja. White ash (vibhuti) is rubbed on the forehead and it is also distributed. Fruits, sweets and coconut are distributed as ‘prasad.’
Significance of Puja Items
According to the Shiva Purana, there is a special significance of the six essential puja items used in the Shiva worship.
Bathing of Shivalinga with water, milk and honey and wood apple or bel leaves added to it, represents purification of the soul.
The vermilion paste applied on the linga after the ritual bath represents virtue.
Offering of fruits symbolizes longevity and gratification of desires.
Burning of incense sticks yields wealth.
The lighting of the lamp symbolizes attainment of knowledge.
Offering of betel leaves marks satisfaction with worldly pleasures.
All-Night Shiva Worship
Shivratri Myths
There are various interesting legends related to the festival of Maha Shivaratri. According to one of the most popular legends, Shivaratri marks the wedding day of Lord Shiva and Parvati. Some believe that it was on the auspicious night of Shivaratri that Lord Shiva performed the ‘Tandava’, the dance of the primal creation, preservation and destruction. Another popular Shivratri legend stated in Linga Purana states that it was on Shivaratri that Lord Shiva manifested himself in the form of a Linga.
Myhth 1
Lord Shiva and his wife Sati were in Kailash abode, and Daksh, father of Sati, was doing a big yagya (fire ceremony). Sati went to the yagya without an invitation from her father. Daksh was very proud, and out of his great pride, he was disrespecting God Shiva. Sati could not tolerate it. So she jumped in the fire of yagya and finished Herself.
When Lord Shiva heard about this incident, out of fury, he was on the threshold to destroy the universe. It was only when other gods interfered and calmed down his anger that it was saved. God Shiva was now alone and went into deep meditation. Then Sati again took birth as Parvati in the family of god Himalaya. So, from very childhood She was desiring to meet God Shiva. In order to break the meditation of Lord Shiva, She undertook grave austerity in the jungle- all absorbed in love of God Shiva. So the day was fixed for their marriage, and on this particular day, Hindu celebrates the union of God Shiva and Parvati.
Marital Bliss
Unmarried girls are supposed to perform the Maha Shivratri pooja with great faith. They pray to the lord for eligible husbands. Moreover, married women pray to Lord Shiva for for marital bliss and a long prosperous married life
Myth 2
According to one myth, Parvati performed tapas, prayed, and meditated on this day to ward off any evil that may befall her husband on the moonless night.
Myth 3
According to another legend in the Shiva Purana, once Brahma and Vishnu were fighting over who was the superior of the two. Horrified at the intensity of the battle, the other gods asked Shiva to intervene.
To make them realize the futility of their fight, Shiva assumed the form of a huge column of fire in between Brahma and Vishnu. Awestruck by its magnitude, they decided to find one end each to establish supremacy over the other.
Brahma assumed the form of a swan and went upwards and Vishnu as Varaha went into the earth. Nevertheless, light has no limit and though they searched for thousands of miles, neither could find the end.
On his journey upwards, Brahma came across a ketaki flower wafting down slowly. When asked where she had come from, the ketaki replied that she had been placed at the top of the fiery column as an offering. Unable to find the uppermost limit, Brahma decided to end his search and take the flower as a witness. At this, the angry Shiva revealed his true form. He punished Brahma for telling a lie and cursed him that no one would ever pray to him. The ketaki flower too was banned from being used as an offering for any worship, as she had testified falsely.
Since it was on the 14th day in the dark half of the month of Phalguna that Shiva first manifested himself in the form of a linga, the day is especially auspicious and is celebrated as Maha Shivratri.
Myth 4
According to a legend in the Ramayana, once King Bhagiratha left his kingdom to mediate for the salvation of the souls of his ancestors.He observed a penance to Brahma for a thousand years, requesting Ganga to come down to earth from heaven. He wanted her to wash over his ancestor`s ashes to release them from a curse and allow them to go to heaven. Brahma granted his wish but told him to pray to Shiva, who alone could sustain the weight of her descent. Accordingly, Ganga descended on Shiva`s head, and after meandering through his thick matted locks, reached the earth. According to a modified version, what reached the earth was just sprinkles from his hair. This story is believed to be re-enacted by bathing the linga. The love of water, the primary element of life, is also remembered in this ritualistic action.
Myth 5
According to one, during the samudra manthan, a pot of poison emerged from the ocean. This terrified the gods and demons as the posion was capable of destroying the entire world, and they ran to Shiva for help. To protect the world from its evileffects, Shiva drank the deathly poison but held it in his throat instead of swallowing it. Because of it, his throat turned blue, and he was given the name Neelakantha, the blue-throated one. Shivaratri is the celebration of this event by which Shiva saved the world.
Myth 6
A legend explains the benefits of the all-night worship of Shiva.
The legend of King Chitrabhanu is held to be a main reason of the origin of the fasting tradition during Maha Shivaratri festival. The story can be found in the Shanti Parva (chapter) of the Hindu epic Mahabharata where the old Bhishma, whilst resting on the bed of arrows and discoursing on Dharma (righteousness), refers to the observance of Maha Shivaratri by King Chitrabhanu. The story tells how the mighty ancient ruler Chitra Bhanu of the Ikshvaku dynasty, king of the whole of Jambu-Dwipa (ancient name for India), was once observing a fast with his wife when the renowned sage Ashtavakra came on a visit to his court with some pupils in tow. Finding the king fasting, Ashtavakra asked him the reason.
King Chitrabhanu explained that he had a gift of remembering the incidents of his past birth, and in his earlier life he had been Suswara, a hunter in Varanasi.
His only livelihood was to kill and sell birds and animals. One day, when out searching for a game, he shot a deer, but was overtaken by darkness and climbed into a bel tree for safety. Thinking that his wife and children were without food and waiting anxiously for his return, he began to cry bitterly. To his utter dismay, he also found his canteen leaking water. The water, together with bel leaves from the tree, fell onto a Shiva-linga (a symbol for the worship of Lord Shiva) placed at the foot of the tree. The next morning he sold the deer and bought food for his family. As he and his family was sitting down to have their food, a stranger arrived to his doorstep requesting for food. True to the ancient custom of Hindu hospitality, Suswara served the food first to the guest and then had his own. He lived for many years without learning that he had by chance fasted on the day of Shiva-Ratri, but when the hour of death drew near two messengers from Lord Shiva appeared to conduct his soul to paradise.
It was then that he learnt that he was being rewarded for having observed the fast on that auspiscious day and night. The messengers told him that the leaves he had dropped by chance on the Lingam, was in imitation of its ritual worship. Also, the water from his leaky canteen had washed the Lingam (also a ritual action), and he had fasted all day and all night. Thus, he had unconsciously worshipped the Lord during the night of Shivaratri and had earned great merit by the observance.
As a reward, his soul granted place in various heavens until it reached the highest, and he was afterwards reborn in high rank as a king and was specially favoured by being given the knowledge of his former life. Thus the Maha Shivaratri fast is said to have been first observed by Chitra Bhanu and the custom is still practiced in India. On Maha Shivaratri, devotees observe fast, offer fruits, flowers and bel leaves on Shiva Linga and keep vigil all night in honour of Lord Shiva.
The 12 Jyotirlinga Shrines of Shiva
Somanath: This temple is situated in Gujarat and is one of the first Jyotirlingas. According to Hindu mythology, Bhairavanatha at Prabhasa was worshipped by the moon, and hence Shiva here is referred to as Somanath.
Mallikarjun: Mallikarjun is situated at Sree Sailam, about 250 km From Hyderabad, near Kurnool in Andhra Pradesh. This is widely visited by Saivities and it constitutes one of the 12 Jyotirlingam shrines of Shiva. The deities here are worshiped as Mallikarjuna (Shiva) and Bhramaramba (Devi).
Mahakaleshwar - The shrine of Mahakaleshwar is situated at Ujjain (or Avanti) in Madhya Pradesh. It was considered to be the capital of King Vikramaditya Chandragupta of the Gupta dynasty. According to one legend, demon Dushana beset the residents of Avanti; upon the request of the population of Avanti Lord Shiva appeared from the ground and bested the demon. Since that period Shiva took up permanent address here as Mahakaleshwara Jyotirlinga. The Maha Shivaratri Festival is celebrated here every year with much ecstasy and gaiety.
Omkareshwar: It is situated on Mandhata hill on the banks of river Narmada in M.P. There are two famous temples dedicated to Omkareshwara and Amaleshwara. There is popular belief that once upon the request of the Devas, the Shivalinga split into two, one half being Omkareshwara and the other Amaleshwara or Amareshwar. King Mandhatha of the Ishvaku clan is regarded to have worshipped as Shiva here.
Kedarnath: It is situated near Badrinath in Uttaranchal, located on the Rudra Himalaya range. This shrine is accessible to visitors only once in every 6 months because rest of the time, it is covered with snow. According to Hindu mythology, Nara and Narayana - two incarnations of Vishnu practised severe penances at Badrikashramam, in front of a Shivalingam fashioned out of earth. When Shiva appeared in front of them, they requested him to take up a permanent abode as a Jyotirlingam at Kedarnath.
Bhimashankar: It is situated near Pune, Maharashtra. According to the legend, Lord Shiva is said to have taken house in the form of Bhima, upon to the request of the Gods on the top of the Sahyadri hills. The sweat that poured forth from his body after a battle is believed to have formed the Bhimarathi River. Thus, Mahashivratri is the biggest festival celebrated here every year.
Kashi Vishwanath: It is situated in Banaras, the city believed to be devoted exclusively to Lord Shiva and is a major shakti peeth of India. There is popular belief that any human being who dies here gets a place in the heaven.
Tryambakeshwar: It is situated near Nashik in Maharashtra. In ancient history, Gowtama muni lived here with his wife - Ahalaya. By virtue of his devotion received from Varuna, a bottomless pit from which he received an inexhaustible supply of grains and food. The other rishis, jealous of his fortune, arranged for a cow to enter his granary, and caused it to die as Gowtama attempted to ward it off with a bunch of Darbha grass. Gowtama therefore worshipped Shiva, to bring the Ganga down to his hermitage to purify the premises. The Ganga came down as Godavari, and Shiva took up an abode here in the form of Tryambaka. Interestingly, locals refer to the river here as Ganga and not as Godavari.
Vaidyanath: Vaidyanath is situated at Deogarh, in the Santal Parganas region of Bihar. This shrine is one of the 12 Jyotirlingas of Shiva and devotees throughout the country visit the shrine in large crowds especially on Maha Shivaratri.
Nageshwar: It is situated at Dwarka in Gujarat. According to one legend, God's devotee by name Supriya was attacked by a demon Daaruka and then, demon imprisoned him along with many others at his capital Daarukaavana, where he resided with his wife. Since then, Lord Shiva appeared there in the form of Jyotirlinga and is believed that he has beaten the demon with the Paasupata Astram.
Rameshwaram: It is situated in southern Tamilnadu. The temple is dedicated to Rama for his victorious return from Sri Lanka. According to the history, it is believed that Rama worshipped Shiva in the form of a Shiva Lingam made of earth by Sita, while returning to Ayodhya. It is believed that ancient temple has been demolished in 12th century itself.
Grishneshwar: It is located close to Ellora, in Maharashtra. The legend says that a devout woman Kusuma worshipped Lord Shiva regularly by immersing a Shivalingam in a tank, as a part of her daily ritual worship. Her husband's first wife, envious of her piety and standing in society murdered Kusuma's son in cold blood. An aggrieved Kusuma continued her ritual worship, and when she immersed the Shivalingam again in the tank, her son was miraculously restored to life. Shiva is said to have appeared in front of her. The villagers, since then, believed to have been worshiping Lord Shiva in the form of a Jyotirlinga called Grishneshwar or Ghusmeshwar.
Thoughts on Mahashivaratri by Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev
Mahashivratri is a night of many possibilities. It is the darkest night of the month. Its very darkness is cause for celebration. Normally, we tend to resist darkness and opt for light. On Shivratri, however, darkness is venerated as the symbol of creation and destruction.
The word Shiva literally means that which is not. That which is, is existence; that which is, is creation. That which is not is Shiva. That which is not means, if you open your eyes and look around, if your vision is for small things, you will see lots of creation. If your vision is really looking for big things, you will see that the biggest presence in existence is a vast emptiness. Just a few spots – which we call galaxies – are noticed, not the vast emptiness that holds. This vastness or unbounded emptiness is Shiva.
When we say Shiva, we are referring to this vast emptiness of existence. It is in the lap of this vast emptiness that all Creation has happened. Our ancient prayers are not about saving yourself, protecting yourself, or about doing better in life. The prayers have always been about ‘Oh lord, destroy me, so that I can become like Yourself.’
So when we say Shivratri, which is the darkest night of the month, it is an opportunity for us to dissolve our limitedness, to experience the unboundedness of the source of Creation, which is the seed in every human being. Shivaratri is an opportunity to bring yourself to that experience of the vast emptiness within every human being, which is the source of all Creation.
(Source: Articles from Times of India)
Aum Namah Shivaya !
Dharmo Rakshati Rakshitaha (Dharma protects those who protect it)
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Monday, February 16, 2009
Life is....
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Good Manners for Great Societies
How do you know how best your character is built?
It's not the mirror that reflects your beauty. The beauty of your character, attitude and the beauty of your inner self is reflected by your actions and reactions the people around you.The thorns and sensitive petals both reflects like our hate and love towards neighboring people.
The good and bad, joy and sorrow, angry and disguise, emotions and expressions everything reflects on the people around you or on the people who are connected to you. The waves and storms of your emotions you release into this outer world will come back to you only. So how much Good you want to come back to you, give that much to this world. Be liberal in this. This Nature is a great reflector for us to measure our self how we are and what we are.
Want to do a trial? OK let's give a smile to any person you know. Will he/she reply back with a smile? Definitely Yes. Why so? Did you observed why they replied back with smile? Its because the "culture" that strongly rooted deep inside us, to respect another person emotions and expressions. That's the manners we call sometimes. Now let us try give a smile to an unknown person.The other person will smile with an additional expression, "Does he know you earlier?".
Good manners play a vital role in building good persons and good societies. One thing I would like to remind you about our Indian culture here. Suppose let us try to offer a shake-hand to any unknown person.I am sure 99% of people hesitate to reply back with their hands put forth. But when you say "Namaskaram" to any unknown, they will definitely reply back with their folding hands. Even your enemy he may be, will fold their hands in respect to your custom. That's the great "Indian Culture".
Our literature and religious customs teaches us a very well, universally agreed and respected manners. Its the gift from our elders from many centuries. Its the proven culture the Indian's have in their blood by birth in this country. Our culture is built based on scriptures of Mahabharata, Bhagavath Geetha, Ramayana and many more. All these scriptures helped us to build good manners with examples life's of characters in those scriptures. Common man(like Mahatma Gandhi, Swami Vivekananda, Rama Krishna Param Hamsa etc) who followed the rules and paths specified in those scriptures had proven their versatile knowledge and left their foot steps for us to follow.
So lead you life that becomes an example for others to follow. Try to make your own foot steps for the betterment of future generation.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Rebuild and Save Your Relationships
Relationship is not that lies between two people, its the matter that was created by the five elements of the universe. And this matter once created can never get destroyed even after the death of those people(like we listen some lines like those two were best friends when they were alive). It lies always....but may vary its colors and forms.
Its the responsibility of those people to build it if not yet built properly, to manage if it requires any maintainability and repairs, manage it towards the only good form of it and should be reworked every time to make this "matter" more comfortable between those people.
If there are any compalints, then there is fault by both, as both have neglected come area of their relationship and forgot the checklist before windup of any talks.
Checklist here I mean:
Whenever you talk to any person related to you, I mean if there is any realtionship between you and them, before closing any talk, just check do you had spoken any words that the other person may recall and hurt after the talks? Do check yourself always that after finishing your talks, that either other person will definitely smile after you turn around recalling your conversation or not? also, do check after a long time gap between you people, if either of you come across the names of each other, then a gentle smile appears on your face and just dial the other person to have a small hi or hello and vice versa....Never leave any conversation unclosed or incomplete.
If sometime or later if you find something wrong or empty in your relationships, just dont ignore it, Rework on it. Identify the cause or need or problem.This can be very difficult to many. Many people do have tendencies to believe that the symptoms of the problem are the actual problem itself.
If your relationship is worth saving, there is no reason whatsoever why you shouldn't put forth an effort to save your relationship.
If you have identified the problem is, hearing both of your thoughts is the next step. Tell everything you want to say to your partner and don't hold back. Afterwards, listen to what your partner has to say. It is suppose to be that way to successfully save the relationship. Reconnect to your partner by holding each others hand while you discuss about your problem. Bear in mind, that anything that your partner talks about is meant to rebuild the relationship, not to hurt you. You both have met to rebuild the relationship but not to make it more worse. Never lead this conversation to an argument. Just make it a discussion to understand each other and to understand what went wrong between you people.
Develop a plan of action to fix the problem.
When most of us say “I’m sorry!” it doesn’t work because the apology doesn’t include these two steps. Accept blame and acknowledge the pain you caused your mate. When you’ve done this, you are well on your way to rebuilding trust. There
First step to resolve any issue or problem is to accept the blame. Yes, you accept the blame and say "Sorry" too.The words you spell must just come from your heart and accept blame by seeing in the eyes of your mate.
Then say something like “I know I hurt you, and here is the hurt I think I caused you.”
You caused it, so you accept responsibility for that as well. “Hey, I know I made you feel like I don’t appreciate or respect you, and I know that I broke your heart in pieces…”
You must understand that once you commit to save your relationship, you are committing to the whole process of it. As you move forward, there will be moments of joy and there will also be moments of sorrow
But I remind you never ever let your ego run between the process of rebuilding your relationships. If it gets into, you start thinking like "why should I, every time?" Be cautious about this and go on.
Also Trust your mate as you do earlier of your breakup. Never doubt your mate after any breakup. And also never blame for the same incident once had happened and never ever recall the past breakups and pin point each other.
In most of the cases, the actual cause of any relationship problem is miscommunication or misconception. Make your communication better. Never hesitate to repeat any of your expressions to make other person conceive the same way you meant.
If you do maintain all these then all your realtionships stay healthier and better and makes you happy and gives you peacefull mind and increaeses your self trust and your capabilities.
Save your Relationships. Relationships are what that makes you stronger to struggle against your life and Relationships are friends that support you in your path of Life.